Jail

Dear Fans, Followers,  I was reading through my fan mail, and I came across a lot of letters of people asking me how is it like in Jail? How are your cellmates? Guards? and the usual question, how do you get to tweet from Jail?? So I decided to respond to my many followers, and minions with this blog post!

My cell is quite modern, everything is finished in stainless steel or aluminum.  Nothing glossy, it's got a nice matte look to it.  My mattress is not as thick as I'd want it to be and I have one pillow.  The sheets are a nice plain white, no patterns.  I'm happy to say that my cell is "Green" the light on the ceiling is a compact fluorescent spotlight, too high for me to reach.  (Otherwise I would have opened it, took out a small metal part, picked the lock and ran away, I'd do it for the adventure more than the need to really.)  I have one small window that lets in natural light, sadly it doesn't have vintage vertical steel bars which I requested!  I'm also unhappy that my clothes aren't black and white stripped "Jail Outfits" I think we need to call Sh. Mai to help us preserve the cultural and aesthetic aspect of being in Jail.  


The food is actually quite good!  Yes, we get served a lot of Daal, but at least it isn't Oatmeal! We also get a good amount of Chicken and Meat, not much of a seafood selection though!  I'm unhappy with the emphasis on carbs (Bread & Rice) it has caused some of my cellmates to put on more weight, yes that includes Ebrahim Sharif.


The guards don't bother us much these days, and we don't get questioned as much as the first few weeks.  The only person the security forces love questioning is Abdul Jalil Al-Singace, because under pressure he involuntarily pees and as Bahrainis we can't get over watching a grown man pee in his pants!  Ebrahim Sharif is the person who gets tortured the most, usually with a Snickers Bar.  It's very brutal they unwrap it and dangle it in front of him.  You wouldn't believe the things he's said, but the thing is you can't take what he says for real in those situations, ahh the inhumanity sometimes gets to me.  The person I can't figure out is Abdul Hadi Al-Khawaja the father of the two girls.  He talks to himself quite often, and asks us to punch him in the face before any kind of media appearance.  I'm usually the first one to volunteer, I can't get over the Joy of a grown man begging me to punch him.  And, finally Al-Muqdad really annoys us with his long daily sermons.  Not my favorite guy.

We don't go outdoors much, mostly because it's really dusty.  I don't understand how people actually live in Al-Door.   We do get access to TV, although it is mostly on BTV.  And, yes we do wake up at the crack of dawn, and line up.  I've memorized the National Anthem by heart.  I tried to get them to film us dance Philipino Style like the guys in Cebu, but MOI had none of it.  Al-Muqdad wanted us to do a ceremonial dance in honor of Al-Hussain.  I wanted us to dance to "Just Dance" by Lady GaGa.  Ebrahim Sharif didn't want to dance, he thinks we should all write are memoirs like Nelson Mandela and Al-Singace keeps wanting to do the Chicken Dance.  All in all the day goes by quickly.  And I have a blackberry courtesy of the guards, we do odd jobs in the laundry, and kitchen.  I find those to be interesting, nothing like adding a little Chili to Ebrahim Sharif's food and watching him suffer with heartburn <Evil Cackle>.  Life is what you make of it, and I'm the happiest I've ever been. 





 

A Friendly Guide to Boycotting Jawad!

JAWAD was created in the 1960s with the opening of it's first store.  Here is a list of everything associated with them till today for those who want to boycott him, because he said your blood isn't worth Vimto!

Fashion:

1. Acessorize
2. Adams
3. Alcott
4. Bendon
5. BHS
6. Shoe Citi
7. Celio
8. FCUK
9. HOBBS
10. KMS California
11. Kookai
12. Mango
13. Monsoon
14. Origem
15. Pixi
16. Pumpkin Patch
17. Quiz
18. Staff
19. Tammy
20. Tape a l'oiel

Restaurants & Cafes:

1. Aran
2. Burger King (I hope they sell it)
3. Chili's (Not going to miss it!)
4. Costa Coffee (Starbucks & Caribou Rock)
5. Delifrance (Not really French anyway)
6. Dairy Queen (Good days, are gone anyway)
7. The Great Kabab Factory (Not so Great)
8. Magic Wok (Not anywhere near Panda Express)
9. Papa John's (....... Cafe Italia is more Italian!!!)
10. Romano's Macaroni Grill (Their Lasagna has pepperoni in it *Puke*)
11. Thai Express
12. Tilly's 
13. Zen Express
14. Hotel Chocolat (City Centre) NEW ADDITION

Supermarkets:

1. Jawad
2. 24 Hours
3. Jawad Express
4. 24/7 Mini Mart (Yes even this little store)

Sales & Distribution:

1. Chesdale & Anchor (Back to the Danish Brands people! LURPAK)
2. Snapple (It's not really healthy anyway full or sugar!)
3. Highland Spring (Factory Owned by Al-Tajir Family of Bahrain/UAE)
4. Libby's
5. Hershey's Chocolates (Who eats American Chocolates?!)
6. Vielda
7. Ferraro Rocher
8. Mentos & Fruitella (Mentos and Coke can cause explosions!)
9. Frito-Lays Chips (Good reason to lose weight)
10. EMBORG Frozen Products
11. Americana Meats & Cakes
12. KDD Juices
13. Al-Shifa Honey
14. Tobasco Pepper Sauce (CRYSTAL RULES!!!)
15. Walker's Shortbread (FATTY Buttery Biscuits)
16. St. Dalfour Jams
17. Smucker's Preserves
18. Al-Safi Danone
19. Barilla Wholewheat Pasta (Wonder if it covers the non-Wholewheat!?)
20. Sweet 'n' Low (SPLENDA is better)
21. Crabtree & Evelyn
22. Tiptree Jams & Preserves
23. Dilmah Teas (Yuck!)
24. Sunbullah Pastries
25. Weetabix Cereals
26. Dorset Cereals
27. Toggi (Damn those are good!!)
28. Tchibo Coffee

Furniture: 

1. Artikel
2. Bois & Chiffons
3. Flamant
4. Galeria Sophia
5. La Maison Coloniale (City Centre)
6. SIA (City Centre)
7. The White Company (City Centre)

Travel & Tourism:

1. Al-Fanar Travel
2. Auto-o's (Nothing beats the Kanoos)
3. AVIS (Lots of alternatives)
4. Pathfinders
5. Travelex  (When in the airport you can exchange your money at NBB)

Logistics:

1.  Agility (Formerly PWC Logistics)
2.  JZCO (haha, Jawad Free Zone Company in Jebel Ali)

And finally the Jawad Service Station of the Sh. Khalifa Highway!!

Super Heroes of Bahrain!!

Bahrain needs Super Heroes!  Yes we do.  Every society has EPIC characters based on some legendary folklore, Beowulf, Godzilla, Superman; a person who embodies Good, and another who embodies EVIL.  They often fight and the good guy almost always wins!!  

We need that because at times like this society needs to be uplifted, and shops needs something to over commercialize and sell like crazy!!  It's good for the soul, and good for business!  In fact what I find very odd is that we have people that embody evil such as (Umm 7mar) and it doesn't stop there, lots of old characters made up to scare the children back in a day when people weren't restricted by stupidity to be creative and come up with scary stuff.  Interestingly I don't find anyone countering them on the GOOD side.  All you have to do to avoid EVIL in our society is stay at home and shut up! 

So much for creativity!  The truth is that we need to challenge ourselves on how to energize and enrich a creative generation of people.  A very small creative & intelligent elite help make America what it is today.  However, what we do is merely tackle the intelligence part by investing in education.  Of course I'm not saying with Dr. Majed Al-Noaimi we are doing a good job or I wouldn't be the most extreme opposition figure in the Bahrain, but seriously if you look at Private Education where we do have some good High Schools most of them are good because of improvements in (Education=Intelligence) Society as a whole needs to play a role in creating creative minds!!  And creative minds are not created when they are afraid to experiment and try things.  

Sadly, our culture re-enforces Fear of Failure, and ties it to reputation, which is another hindrance in any entrepreneurial venture.  This is also why people who are smart/intelligent/reputable don't usually run in the elections for the fear of losing!  This is also the reason to some degree why the entrepreneurs in our society only come from the higher and richer classes! 

So the question is how do we get the lower/middle class to be creative!!  We need to invest in leaders/changing mind sets.  The Government needs to lead by example.  One way for the Government to enrich creativity is to butt out of things!  Let's all create a list of things the Government should just BUTT out of.  This would be the easiest way forward!  And finally what I'm trying to say is we need Super Heroes like Bahrainman/ManaMan/SaudiMan dressed in tight outfits and flashy colors fighting off EVIL Demonic Characters.  No really we need Leaders!  A few good men and... women if they cover their hair, or get special approval from me personally to lead us forward.  We need to create a society where someone like J.K Rowling can write a novel and be famous.  In Bahrain could you imagine Fatima Mohammed, a young writer just finishing Harry Potter and Philosopher's Stone - Her parents would never allow her to publish it!  Mohammed Khalid and Jassim Al-Saeedi will hold a pickett in front of her house; and Al-Wefaq will issue a statement condemning it!  Wa3ad will shut up as usual cause they have no backbone, and Haq would probably burn her house down!  That's all before the IAA investigates her, and MOI arrest her!  She will probably be released after pressure from some random external organization to a family that would probably ground her after embarrassing them with سحر و شعوذة

Bahrain needs to leap forward, we don't need to end up like Egypt with it's awful attempt at a Democracy.  We can be better!!  The key is we need everyone at a table no matter how much you like your own people and ideas, the collective mass needs every opinion.  

P.S I said everything above because I had a gun to my head, GO ISLAMIC REPUBLIC of BAHRAIN

Reem Khalifa vs. Lamees Dhaif

The title says it all.  Only if we could do a "Celebrity Deathmatch" would we do them any jusitce!  Lets start with Reem.  Reem Khalifa is the Sunni wife of Mansoor Al-Jamri, former editor of Al-Wasat, back from London, son of the late Abdulamir Al-Jamri.  They pose as a liberal family, Pro-AlWefaq.  So you might ask well, surely with her hair UNCOVERED, how is that possible?  Well like Maryam Al-Khawaja, fighting for a Bahrain (Shiite Religious Govt) they would never live in because it pays well to do so!  

Reem, is also known for two other theatrical performances.  One at the press conference with Sh. Khalid the Foreign Minister where she cried & wept over Bahrain and it's fallen martyrs.  Her shrieking was fake and very annoying.  One can only imagine what Mansoor goes through with her on a daily basis!  The other performance was after the Irish Press Conference in Bahrain, where she sweared at and then went on to Bitch-Slap another (Bahraini) woman (Youtube for evidence on both).  Before all of this, Reem use to write a column in Al-Wasat, no one read it ofcourse but it's the perk you get when your wife of the editor! (Was6a-City)

Lamees Dhaif, unlike Reem she covers her hair.  However, she's addicted to plastic surgery and photographing herself + editing her photos with a lot of photoshop!!  She tries to be funny & witty in her columns, while the somber and sad nature of her negative thoughts can never escape any of her writings.  She like the Khawajas & Nabeel Rajab likes to make shit up, as a main source of many of her pieces.  In fact if you had a lens good enough you'd see it footnoted at the bottom (1. Pile of shit) which gets in the way of her being a legitimate journalist, that nagging thing called the truth some discard. The problem is that she takes herself seriously, while her real crowd are pervy male readers from the Eastern Province of Saudi and some in Bahrain who like some people tend to salivate over her photo-shopped pictures, in an attempt to hook up with her not realizing that in reality her face is actually falling apart.

I can't really make up my mind on who is the most annoying female in Bahrain.  But I'd pay good money to seem wrestle in a ring!  Reem would probably win because of her shrieks, and Lamees's is face already part broken.







 

Bahrain Trolls

I am upset that I have been left out of the Bahrain Trolls list created by "Shehab". Therefore, I decided come up with my own list!

Trolls: “One who posts a deliberately provocative message to newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument.”

5.  Mohammed Al-Daaysi (MDaaysi).  His deal is, he tries to appear intelligent.  He probably thinks he is too!!  He calls himself a Conservative Liberal.  Absolute Lunacy if you ask me!  He is part of the Al-Daaysi Family.  They are a well known family in Bahrain especially for funding the LuLu!  He reportedly went on a Hunger Strike too!  The EDB must be happy at least we are technically lowering our food subsidies as a Government due to the increase in Hunger Strikes.  But realistically these people are attention whores, they just was to get more followers, and be liked.  Sad, who does that?

4.  Maryam Al-Khawaja:  This troll is special, she starts trolling/tweeting with a DP of her flowing hair.  BAM!! Feb14 Islamic Revolution Iran style and the head gear comes on!  She accuses everybody and everything of being against her liberal democratic demands; she also attends the Khomeini Conference in London under the name Sister Maryam Al-Khawaja.  She has excelled in the art of lying including the fact that she allows us to believe she graduated from Brown University.  (She never did).  Funded completely by Iran, daughter of the Abdul Hadi Al-Khawaja (Danish Passport) He allegedly fled Bahrain to Denmark to gain political asylum; some asylum when you keep coming back to Bahrain.  A.Hadi, also has the tendency to smack himself in the face before appearing on camera he even asked me to give him a love bite on his neck once! (Sick Bastard)

3.  Zainab Al-Khawaja:  Sister of Maryam Al-Khawaja, currently in Bahrain.  Goes under the twitter name ArgryArabiya.  She tried to gain attention Oprah-Style by announcing a diet.  Well she called it a "hunger strike".  She was caught ordering from Chilis at the Jawad Dome, her hunger strike ended, and she was hospitalized.  Mysteriously she didn't lose any weight! 

2.  Nabeel Rajab:  Liar Extraordinaire.  He once tweeted 20 tweets while he alleged a Bahraini Apache Helicopter was bombing his house.  Neither his house or he was harmed.  His constant claims of abuse and mistreatment by the Bahraini Government constantly clash with his oppulent home, and many businesses in Bahrain.  This also includes the BATH DOKTOR, his Shit clearing business he's so good at (No Joke).  Somehow his wife even got a government job years ago as a secretary, some abuse huh?  


1.  Mahmood Al-Yousif. (Mahmood) He's a Double Sided, Swing Both Ways troll!  He will go totally against the Government, and switch back when things gets a little crazy.  Remember his letter on Feb14 Failing, and Nabeel Rajab pissed off about that in the roundabout?!  He calls it trying to be balanced.  Yeah right!  Then he goes on by making himself really famous on twitter after his famous salivating blogpost where he literally says the picture of Anne Hathaway with her boobs sticking out makes him salivate!  Shame on you!!  He doesn't stop there oh no, he goes on to the National Dialogue after being invited due to his BlogFather status, and White House connections and demands PORN.  He literally says the net should no be censored except for CHILD Pornography and hate/terrorism.  So basically I would be censored under the subject of TERRORISM, but he can watch his PORN! how SICK and VILE.  I mean if you were going to list exceptions why didn't you ask them to ban Bestiality? Are you saying that's ok?  Mahmood also shows up under different names, when he doesn't want to tweet under Mahmood.  Who does that?

I will continue posting later, the Warden is giving a speech in a bit, and we'll all have Friday Lunch soon.  Hassan Mushaima now sentenced for life has decided to write all this thoughts in this blog stay tuned followers